Sunday, November 3, 2013

{taking a pause} fall reflection

[taking a pause in the normally light-hearted programming for a moment]

My mom once told me a long time ago that the older you get, the faster years go by.  At the time I thought she was exaggerating, but, she was totally right.  I have no idea where the last year has gone and how it's already November... soon I will be celebrating another Birthday, the first night of Hanukah and Thanksgiving in a 4 day time period...where this year went I just don't know.

What I am going to focus on over the next 3 weeks and allow myself to focus on is what I've accomplished in the last year.  A year ago, I was dealing with "what if" anxiety that somehow turned life-crippling.  I got to the point that I was sick of it and couldn't keep on "not living" the way I was. So, in January I decided to find support in therapy.  No one explained that things would get worse before they got better, and boy did they.  I became even more crippled by anxiety by mid-February and honestly didn't think I could [or would] get through it.

Obviously, I did and I have never been more thankful for someone in my life.  With this incredible new support I was not allowed to hide, I was not allowed to be a victim in my own life and I was able to turn the need for control into a positive.  And the best part of this is that it has stuck and I've genuinely never been happier.  I am living for the first time in my life.  This incredible support also was the push I needed to get out of debt.  Something else that I was allowing to hold me back and and become crippling, and now it's completely gone.  

One of my dearest friends told me last week that she's been able to see this positive change in my life and how happy she was for me.  What I am going to propose, to myself, is allow myself to grasp how amazing this all is and think about what this next year can bring without all the baggage I used to carry around.  What I propose to you is to allow yourself, and remind yourself, to enjoy the smaller things in life and not get caught up in the things that truly don't matter.  Because in all seriousness, it's quite beautiful to give up control and see what life really has in store for you.  

photo: Robin West

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